25 RANDOM LISTS OF 25 THINGS (6-10)

25 ALIEN RACES WITH WHICH ERIC HAS EXCELLENT RELATIONS (Most of them from Star Wars) (List 6 of 25)

1. The Aqualish
2. The Mon Calamari
3. The Gran (only the Kinyen Gran, not the Malastare Gran)
4. The Duros
5. The Sullastans
6. The Vietnamese
7. Faggots
8. Wookies
9. The Hutt
10. The Nautolans
11. The Ithorians
12. Whatever Louis Garrel is
13. The Twi'lek
14. The Bith
15. Mormons
16. The Chagrians
17. Puffins (I swear to fucking god!)
18. The Pau'an
19. The Wol Cabasshite
20. Guys who are willing to have 3somes
21. Morrissey, who may have been covered by a previous entry but must be classified as a separate species.
22. The Rodians
23. The Talz
24. This guy told my dad that the real reason we are in Iraq was because there is a fissure in the earth in Iraq where the Crab People can come to the surface and wreak havoc.
25. The Wu Tang


25 BOYS I LIKED IN HIGH SCHOOL AND WHERE I FANTASIZED ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH THEM AT THE TIME (LIST 7 OF 25)

1. Blake M, Mormon cross country runner/trumpet player, in the orchestra pit of the school theater and on my back porch (Blue Valley North HS)

2. Eric E, soccer player, in the grass and on the bleachers of the soccer fields after practice (BVN)

3. Shawn the wrestler, on the wrestling mats next to the gym (BVN)

4. Shawn that short blond kid, between the lockers on the benches in the locker room (BVN)

5. I'll call him "Mike", that guy who kept walking around naked in the shower/changing rooms next to the pool at the resort my parents used to take me to in the Ozarks in Missouri, on the deck of the hot tub and in the showers

6. Matthew, that boy a couple of years younger who came from another school to work on Annie Get Your Gun and he had incredible thighs, in the Cat Walks of the school theater (BVN)

7. Matt, some other senior guy who was in the chorus of Annie Get Your Gun, in the dressing rooms of the school theater (BVN)

8. Matt S, from theater, on the commons tables late at night (BVN)

9. Chad Allen, TV show OUR HOUSE, in the fictional back yard of their house

10. Wil Wheaton, Star Trek the Next Generation, in his fictional bedroom and the fictional Holodeck aboard the Enterprise NCC 1701 D

11. Robert D, tall and well hung, on a picnic table behind the school in the woods at night (Clear Lake HS)

12. Chad W, in his cross country shorts (for awhile) in the hall way in front of French class on day the school is closed or the cheap flimsy beds in the tiny gray hotel room we shared in Paris on the school French trip (CLHS)

13. Lee, really smooth and firm and short from PE class, in a broom closet while school was going on outside (CLHS)

14. Denver, god what a body from PE, the showers in the locker room (CLHS)

15. Paul, ass of a god from PE, EVERYWHERE!!! Seriously though (CLHS)

16. Kevin something, with blond curly hair and a body too well designed to be real, on a couch on the stage of the school theater at night (BVNHS)

17. Derek, the short sultry soccer player, in my shower and several pieces of furniture, at home (BVNHS)

18. Ryan, the skinny but super cute soccer player, on the stands of the soccer field (BVNHS)

19. Ryan G, the always smiling Varsity soccer player, on the desks of computer programming class (BVN)

20. Lars, the Norwegian exchange student who ran track and didn’t wear underwear, on my couch at home (BVN)

21. Chad Lowe from tv show Life Goes On, my kitchen at home

22. Joseph, pretty Chinese kid from Psych class, the pool of our apt complex at night (Clear Lake HS)

23. Matt S, Mormon, he used to walk his little dog by the apt wearing only the shortest tightest black shorts and nothing else OMG!!!, he must have known, right? on the dining room table (CLHS)

24. That tall Mexican boy with the pouty lips and the shiny hair in Puerta Vallarta making drinks at some restaurant, in a random imaginary dilapidated beach house on an old cot FOR HOURS!

25. Kelly Slater pro-surfer, in some imaginary California beach showers at sunset


25 SEXUAL UTTERANCES I HAVE UNLEASHED (List 8 of 25)

1. Oh fuck yeah, fuck yeah, fuck yeah!

2. YES! WRECK MY ASS WRECK IT!

3. Punish me! Ohhhhhhh, punish me!

4. THE WAR HAMMER!!!

5. Yes, yes, yes, I fucking love it!

6. Who’s a big boy now!!!

7. Empathy is vastly over rated!

8. I'll give you something to cry about!

9. Fuck me harder, harder, HARDER yes harder! DESTROY ME!

10. You feel so fucking good...

11. Ontogeny does not necessarily recapitulate phylogeny.

12. YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!!

13. le fouche le fouche le fouche

14. I'm a dirty slut, give me what I deserve!!!

15. That's great it starts with an earthquake, dogs snakes and aeroplanes!

16. I don't think I'm gonna be able to stand up for awhile after this…

17. あなたのバトックは私が住むことを望む惑星である!

18. Split me in 2, break me BREAK ME, PLEEEEEAAAASSSSE!!!

19. I've never sucked dick to the Cocteau Twins before!

20. Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come they will be done on earth as it is in heaven!

21. Are you sure you're not gay, because this sure feels like you are?

22. This is the best Ice Cream Party I have ever been to!

23. I DO NOT PAY YOU ENOUGH!

24. ... and what rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born!

25. YES, LIKE LEMMINGS OFF A CLIFF!



25 Random Lists of 25 Things Goddammit! (Pork) vol. 9

25 WAYS TO EAT MEAT THAT KEEP ME FROM BEING A VEGETARIAN (List 9 of 25)

1. Memphis style pulled pork sandwich

2. Cuban Masitas del Puerco covered in minced garlic and sauteed onions

3. Bacon MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

4. Pork Bulgogi (Korean)

5. Chinese pan fried pork dumplings (pot stickers)

6. You lay face down and I eat shredded pork from between your ass cheeks

7. Chicken B'stilla (Morocco)

8. Ecuadoran Pork Tostado

9. Kielbasa

10. A Bratwurst on a bun with brown mustard

11. Aardvark

12. Pollo con Mole Poblano

13. Sopes de Tinga

14. Taquitos de carne asada

15. Homemade pork tamales

16. Vietnamese pork eggrolls

17. Vietnamese chargrilled pork with vermicelli

18. THAT FUCKING DOG, SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP NICKI YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!!!

19. Mark Doten, stuffed with…

20. Argentine marinated pork chops

21. I wont lie, preschoolers.

22. Cochinita Pibil (pit cooked suckling pig) in a sweet potato masa boat

23. Smoked marinated pork loin, in my friend David’s backyard, when the dragonflies are buzzing by and the cicadas sing

24. Smoked Turkey in all its incarnations

25. Chicken shwarma wrap with pickles and tahini and a little hot sauce


25 HIP HOP ALBUMS THAT HELP MAKE EXISTENCE WORTH THE TROUBLE (List 10 of 25)

1. Fugees - The Score

2. Public Enemy - Fear of a Black Planet

3. A Tribe Called Quest - Low End Theory

4. Blackalicious - Blazing Arrow

5. Cali Agents - How the West Was One

6. Boogie Down Productions - Ghetto Music: The Blueprint of Hip Hop

7. Dr. Octagon - Octagonecologyst

8. Crown City Rockers - Earthtones

9. Digable Planets - Reachin'

10. Dr. Dre - 2001

11. Hieroglyphics - Full Circle

12. Ol Dirty Bastard - Nigga Please

13. Wu Tang Clan - The W

14. Zion i - Curb Servin

15. X-Clan - To the East Blackwards

16. Styles of Beyond - 2000 Fold

17. The Roots - Things Fall Apart

18. Black Star - S/T

19. Mos Def - Black on Both Sides

20. Genius/GZA - Liquid Swords

21. Control Machete - Uno, Dos: Bandera

22. TTC – Batards Sensibles

23. Diverse - One A.M.

24. Spank Rock - YoYoYoYoYoYo

25. Office Space - Soundtrack