25 RANDOM LISTS OF 25 THINGS (11-15)

25 THINGS I FIND TO BE A MAJOR TURN ON WITH THE RIGHT BOY (List 11 of 25)

1. Ok, when a guy is real thin, but he still has a round ass that curves out

2. Pouty soft lips

3. When he smirks slightly instead of full on smiling, and its kind of a sly smirk

4. Soccer shorts or really short shorts, especially those old Adidas shorts with the white stripes on the side or running shorts

5. A deep and well chosen vocabulary

6. He's wet

7. Glasses

8. A fey British accent

9. Smooth shoulders with a few light freckles

10. Large shiny bright eyes (any color, but i'm a sucker for green and blue)

11. Down on all 4's meowing

12. Jock straps

13. Apparently, if he has a girlfriend

14. Emo hair (shiny and shaggy and bangs in the face), but shiny straight hair will do it too.

15. Tight tight tight old thrift store t shirts

16. Shy and sweet does it

17. He speaks Japanese or German

18. Being half out of athletic gear, like after Lacrosse matches or a shirts and skins soccer practice

19. His dick is in my mouth

20. He yells, FUCK YEAH, when i hit him

21. Boys with stuffed animals

22. Wit

23. Nerds/Geeks... Star Wars, music, whatever.

24. Skaters

25. Intellectual boys who don’t know how cute they are when they talk about Michel Foucault


25 MORE NAMES I SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO NAME A CHILD BUT WOULD IF I GOT THE CHANCE (List 12 of 25)

1. Squirrelicious
2. Favorite Penis
3. Stew Meat
4. Nigga Please!
5. Puto
6. Heteronormative Discourse
7. Zac Efron (deleted shower scene)
8. Prisonbitch
9. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!
10. Little Cunt
11. DipCone (as in a Dairy Queen dip cone)
12. RacialHolyWar
13. Batrachotoxin
14. Catamite
15. Spooge Pony
16. Liberal Media Bias
17. Mollusk
18. Mustache Crumbs
19. 9/11
20. Temperature Dependent Sex Determination
21. Stain
22. SCARRR
23. Fuck Tha Police!
24. Hoth Action Han Solo
25. Lemon Zest


25 THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU COME OVER TO MY HOUSE TO PLAY (List 13 of 25)

1. Cuddle in a giant pile of Ugly Dolls and Pillows while Cocteau Twins albums play in the background

2. Let's get an enormous canvas, and start at either end (2 different paintings) and then paint to the middle, and when we get there we'll join them in design and theme.

3. Let's just lay naked in the dark and listen to Samuel Barber's Agnus Dei on repeat for an hour with the windows open and talk about death.

4. I can fit 3 people in my bath tub, that and a bottle of chardonnay with some grapefruit? I have lots of bath toys!

5. PILLAGE my ass!!!

6. I will PILLAGE your ass!!!

7. Let's watch twink porn and actually watch it all the way through and deconstruct it.

8. I wanna color everything on the neighbor's house that is white with highlight markers.

9. How many things in the house can we make life-size statues of Yoda with? (Spam, wet toilet paper, chewing gum…)

10. Close your eyes... if you guess what I inserted correctly, you get a prize (if you guess incorrectly you still get one).

12. We can make our own pizza from scratch, sure, but we have to put 3 things on it that never go on pizza.

13. ITunes Random Rules, bring your Ipod.

14. We could always make our own Ugly Dolls, I have lots of construction paper in different colors.

15. We're not too old for water balloons!

16. How many Nature films can you sit through?

17. Find that asshole who threatened me on FB and beat him to death in front of his mom with a bag of doorknobs.

18. We can put our favorite music genres and possible song topics in a hat and draw a few, combine them, and make an album on my laptop. (ie. Shoegaze-Goth Hip-hop with songs about house cats.)

19. We could try having a proper Chinese tea ceremony, never mind, let’s just get fucked up and I’ll make some Celestial Seasonings. Proper Chinese is too dilute for me.

20. If you just wanted to smoke weed and listen to albums while I blew you, I'd be okay with that.

21. What would we do with all that C4 though? Oh. Ohhhhhh. Okay.

22. Let's make our own board games, but really detailed and really obscene.

23. LLAMA RACES!

24. We'll make a fort in the back yard and make our own costumes out of cardboard and play star wars, but with fucking.

25. Lets make really elaborate ice cream sundaes and then eat them off of each other in the shower. I have lots of different kinds of fruit.


25 OF MY FAVORITE BIRDS (List 14 of 25)

1. Temminck's Tragopan

2. Greater Roadrunner

3. Greenjay

4. Black throated Magpie Jay

5. Burrowing Owl

6. Northern Bobwhite Quail

7. Abyssinian Ground Hornbill

8. Razorbill

9. Harlequin Duck

10. Torrent Duck

11. American Dipper

12. King Eider

13. Secretary Bird

14. Wattled Jacana

15. Hoatzin

16. Sun Bittern

17. Andean Cock of the Rock

18. Painted Bunting

19. Limpkin

20. Common Raven

21. Eclectus Parrots

22. Hamerkop

23. Shoebill Stork

24. Wire Tailed Manakin

25. Common Hoopoe


25 PEOPLE WHO DIED ON ME (List 15 of 25)

1. My Mother, kidney cancer at age 52, the best person I ever knew. Her death is still the worst thing that ever happened in my life. How many times can I turn to talk to someone who isn’t there anymore?

2. My Maternal Grandmother, Wanda (77), of complications from smoking since she was 13, after her behavior at the time my mother was dying, I never spoke to her again (that was 7 years).

3. My Paternal Grandmother, Roberta (89), her death from causes which I can't recall was the hardest I saw my father cry as a child, she and I used to do puzzles together and she'd make me rice pudding and bunuelos.

4. My Maternal Great Grandmother, Veenie (75), who died from so many things I can't remember what she died from, was the 1st death I can remember, I was 5, I loved her very much, she made delicious chicken and dumplings.

5. Shadow (20), better known simply as Shadow the Cat, from kidney complications, she was my friend from 10 to 30 years old, and I would trade any one of you mother fuckers for 1 more day with her.

6. Eli the ginger tom (?), a stray I took in, I returned to the house after a couple of days away immediately after the hurricane (Rita) and found his half decomposed body in the back yard.

7. Laura (12), daughter of a good friend of mine from the nature center where I worked, she went missing after a morning jog, her body was found naked except for one sock floating in culvert a few towns away, I remember walking through a field looking at the Psilocybin mushrooms wishing like hell I wouldn’t find her.

8. Brandon (20), abducted while getting back into his car in Austin, the 2 guys had kidnapped another guy to get the money from his bank acct and needed to change cars, in the end they put the previous guy and Brandon into the trunk of his Volvo and rolled his car into a lake, they drowned in the trunk.

9. Bernardo Duran (64), my paternal Grandfather, from heart disease when my father was 14 years old, the only grandfather I ever heard anything about, he was a rancher who lost his family's ranch in the dustbowl of the early 50’s, then he and my grandmother divorced, he was extremely affectionate, but Inutil (in spanish a cross of useless and helpless).

10. Dean (77), from I do not know what causes, he was "the old man down the street" when I was 7, my friend Justin and I would go to his house and he and his wife would tell us stories and feed us candy and pay us a couple of dollars to do little chores, one day I saw the ambulance at their house, but my mom wouldn’t let us go, a few weeks later I saw his wife at a school program and asked where Dean was, and with the coldest voice and facial expression imaginable she said "he's dead" and turned away from me.

11. Matthew Shepard (21), beaten and left for dead attached to a fence in WY, because he had asked some dumb insecure fuck out on a date, its the first time I seriously realized that I needed to be "out"

12. David VonErich (25), was found dead in his hotel room in Japan, where he was to wrestle a big match the following day, the cause given for his death was intestinal problems, but it's widely believed to be a drug overdose, at the time living in Dallas, the VonErichs were a big deal even if you didn’t like wrestling so much, but I did, I remember feeling devastated.

13. Carl Sagan (62), complications from cancer, he was the 1st person I can remember looking up to as an intellectual figure, as a child I was completely wrapped up in the PBS show Cosmos, I was a follower from there forward.

14. Stephen J Gould (60), lung cancer spread to the brain, another of my favorite public intellectuals, he made his life's work educating people about Evolution, and influenced me to do the same in a smaller way.

15. Jonathan Brandis (27), hanged himself, he was on tv show Seaquest 2020. I can’t explain why I felt so attached to him, but I was… am.

16. River Phoenix (23), actor, overdosed on cocaine and heroine.

17. My Cousin Greg (~23), had never quite got his shit together, had problems with drugs for years, killed himself with a pistol. The 1st time I saw my father cry.

18. My Uncle Jerry (52), Diabetes and Heart Disease, Greg's Dad, coke head who used to steal shit from other members of the family, he was over 400 lbs when he died, I can remember in the last years of his life how he used to shuffle around with only a toga like sheet on, back and forth between the bed and the toilet, yelling shit like "ELSIE, BRING ME A PIZZA!", he'd gotten so fat and diabetic, he couldn’t lift his feet anymore.

19. Owen Hart (34), wrestler, fell from a poorly assembled rig while repelling from the ceiling of the Kemper Arena in Kansas City, MO down into the ring, he fell a few hundred feet into the ring in front of thousands of people on a Pay Per View event, he was one of my favorite wrestlers.

20. Lightning (4), Guinea Pig, reasons unknown, my first non fish pet to die, I cried literally all weekend over Lightning, I was 10.

21. My Cousin Freddie (~35), long term brain damage issues, I had only ever known Freddie as a vegetable in a home hospital bed, it always made my dad cry to see him, he had seen him as a brilliant and vigorous young man, I hadn’t, when he died, it seemed like a kind of relief for the family, as if he had finished something he had started years before.

22. Jim Henson (63), Toxic Shock Syndrome, I actually did cry when he died, the muppets were a very important thing to me as a child.

23. Ginger (?), my boyfriend's mother's best friend, she was driving home on an icy road when a deer jumped in front of her car and she lost control, her car hit a tree and the impact killed her, it was the week before christmas, the week before we visited his parents, having to drive down the same icy road.

24. Paul Wellstone (58), senator from Minnesota, plane crash, one of only 2 progressives in the senate at the time of his death, one of the few politicians I always felt proud of and identified with.

25. My Uncle JW (56), complications from alcoholism, he looked like he was 76, he lived hard, I remember him getting high at the family reunion on an asthma inhaler he found in a public rest room and hitting on my mom (his niece), at his funeral (which was the best gathering of my mom's side of the family I can remember with him absent) I met for the only time one of the most beautiful human beings ever produced, my 16 year old cousin, Shane.