MY THOUGHTS ON YOU MAKE A HOMUNCULUS pt 1 (BLEACH)

cleansed

bleach
bleach
bleach

i like entering
i like entering the bathroom
a room
cold tile
that smell of bleach
stinging you say you say you say
sting
scraping the fear out of your
nostril lining
no
i like i like the smell of
bleach
in the bathroom
it smells like
clean yes
death
it smells like clean
i remember illness and i hate it
smells like cleansed
new
free from nature
thats right
FREEEEDOM!!!
clean
smells like what
when you enter
we are free from nature
free to be free
to be all over the surfaces of man made bliss
i roll on the cold tile
smelling bleach
it means i dont
dont need
dont need to fear nature
for this space this time
for a while
we have mastered it
i am free to naked and with
abandon
roll on the surfaces
rub myself against the things
i would not touch
would not
touch
cleansed fucking
FUCK
cleansed
i am free to know the false surfaces
once and for all
truly know it
so so so so clean
CLEAN
and free from nature
god make nothing
WE MAKE IT ALL
now for this space
this time
it is cleansed right now
its is mine
cold tile my nipples and scrotum know it
know it all
free from the underscum layer of life
its mine to know now
i like the smell of bleach

touch it
touch it all
while you can
smell that?

bleach

bleach is the smell of death
the death of nature
that smell sets us free from it
bleach
is the smell of death
i love the smell
of

this

death








STYLES OF BEYOND - Bleach

A GALLERY OF CATERPILLARS

i find it interesting that some butterflies spend more time as juveniles (caterpillars) than they do as adults. adult being the reproductive phase of life. eating machines waiting to become something else entirely. imagine changing that much, going into your sleeping bag and emerging as a... rhino, or something.


QUEEN BUTTERFLY


MONARCH


CLOUDLESS SULPHUR


GULF FRITILLARY


PINK STRIPED OAKWORM


ANISE SWALLOWTAIL


BLACK SWALLOWTAIL


GIANT SWALLOWTAIL


SPICEBUSH SWALLOWTAIL


PIPEVINE SWALLOWTAIL


POLYDAMUS SWALLOWTAIL



MILKWEED TUSSOCKMOTH

MURCOF (a study in sub low)

MEMORIA



MIR NODES



RECUERDOS

FRAGMENTS OF PAST LUST

DAT POLITICS - This Way

DOES IT FEEL DAMP IN HERE TO YOU? (for Jared)

I keep wanting to tell you
about the imagery
of dark cool wet places
of water drops in caves
echoing
and wells splashing smaller droplets on your face
places out of sight
of sun light
places
where you can feel
the water in the air
tombs of household pets
yes, the sound
of water drops
echoing off of old stone walls
the cold wet in your nostrils
dripping
running along the edges
they
no wait its
warm wet tongues
flat
flat against the surface
making a seal against
skin, flat
wet
on your chest buttocks the
insides of your hesitant thighs
just wet and flat
still
the connection of 2 surfaces
the adhesion of something wet
against something soft and dry
surface against
so you see yes
the hot

slow

breath from my nostrils
just above
and beneath
your anticipation
the anticipation in your skin
just about to
just
about
that breath

that's a sound
you have to get
very close
to hear


...................................................................

A COLLECTION OF ARACHNIDS FOR LUKA

because i and a friend have been obsessing over spiders recently. i thought i'd dedicate a post on some of my favorite ARACHNIDS (a group in which spiders are included), but take a look at some non spider arachnids. is it all the appendages? i'm not sure. maybe it's the deliberative manner that draws us in. check it out.

oh yeah, what to notice about all Arachnids:

* 2 Body segments - the CEPHALOTHORAX (front) and the ABDOMEN (Back)
* 8 Legs
* 2 Chelicera (for food acquisition) usually up front
* 2 Pedipalps, extra arm like appendages
* Never wings, nor antennae

Enjoy!

AMBLYPIGID
"Tail-less Whip Scorpion"











tropical and subtropical predators, nocturnal, non venomous (no fangs - they have those big claws instead)


SOLFUGIDS (Solpugids)
"Sun Spider" "Camel Spider" "Wind Scorpion"











usually found in warm and arid climates, nocturnal, predatory, NOT VENOMOUS


RICINULEI
"Hooded Tick Spiders"











live in damp conditions, no eyes, cover head area with a hood like structure, only 60 species world wide, the 1st 2 pics are of a species found in GHANA in 2006


UROPYGID
"Whip Scorpion" "Vinegaroon"









no venom, the spray a vinegar smelling acid mixture when bothered from their "whip tail", predatory, tropical and subtropical

......................................................

.......................................

Be a Fucking Man Already

i at the time
4 years old and whimpering
my mother holding me too tightly

you see
the doctor looked down
and said

"you think the worst thing that could happen to him would be severe injury,
but the worst thing that could happen
is that he would grow up to be a pussy."

THAT'S RIGHT...A PUSSY!

and he
being the man
my father never was
looked at me with
that half disgusted
sneer
and i
not wanting to disappoint him
fulfilled his assessment of me
with amazing
alacrity


Be a Fucking Man Already pt. 2

thats when the
MAN OF EXPERIENCE
told me

i find your desire to be boring
its so fucking
TIRESOME really
can't you find something else to talk about?
can't you fucking talk about anything else?
i (we) really are so beyond desire
at this point
of development
oh and
have i told you that we may no longer have any further interest in your self loathing?
we've fucking heard it all before
seriously motherfucker!
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE
get a new interest
become
DE TACHED!

what the fuck am i supposed to do
?
thats my whole thing
MY OEUVRE!
who am i without that?
what am i supposed to do?
i thought it was
be musing
and
en dearing
i guess not

what a fucking wash up i turned out to be

.......................................

an exercise in noises at CATARACT/Smegma (reworked)

smegma?
impregnable resignation
leaving pupil dilation
perhaps your problems are more serious
plunging lung slugs?
grungy mung plugs?
this often leads to
lunging fudge
amongst the oft begrudged
in far flung drudge
of dung bugs

so basically,
frosted grommets?
toasted walnuts?
or perhaps
disgusted wombats?

humanity chooses the lie smeggers
it chooses
the lye
it covers up the smell

this much spinach (espinaca)
is like a pile of wet
days old
yard clippings
the smell of vegetal decay
imagine my dismay!
FUCKING IMAGINE IT!

stop making bubbles in class
bubbles with your mouth
over large bubble straining against
nature
to exist
um, how can i make this about me?
turn this into something about
my own EXPERIENCE?
anyways
strained bubbles
scratching stubble
on your face
against my bare skin
(there's that again)
the skin on my
yes the sound of it
scraping on the bed sheets
when you roll over
of your rough stubble
scrubbing bubbles
(product placement within desire)
that scraping sound
on a morning like this
still
diffused light through
soft white sheers
the feel of your slumbering
lumber
oh what blubbering lovers
clumber the chumber
what flavors cucumbers?

does that sully it too much?

so yes, vagina scratching
all the DJs are doing it now
scratch and sniff
scratch and win
smeggers

More Man Meat and Critters

A HEDGEHOG BATH

THERE IS REALLY ONLY ONE REASON WHY I WATCH THE OLYMPICS AND I BET YOU CAN GUESS IT

inspired by the inspirational David Ehrenstein

MATTHEW MITCHAM




ALEXANDRE DESPATIE


AMERICAN GYMNASTICS TEAM

Just a Couple of Ideas

...........................................

it is what it says

i am ashamed of the power other people's words have over me
you said
no
if, but
hey
how one day your words make me
and the next they lay waste to me
just
words
a few words
what the fuck was it to you even?
which shows me how little control
how little power i have over myself
how
i'm too open to suggestion
attack
is that love?
wait
no
however unintended
like an invalid who can't control his bowels
thats what people leave me
in drive bys
it was just
an errant comment
and i'm covered in my own
fluids


what so?

so
i like the idea
that i can divine the characters
of boys
from simple

brief interactions

(nevermind the truth on this)

insinuating sweetness form
an awkwardness
or from a situational insecurity
i bet he is sweet though
those types of boys
aren't the kind with guile
they don't know not to be

too open

or silly or passionate
thats a beguiling lack of awareness
isn't it?
imagine that with a youthful
firm masculinity
imagine it

yeah so,
he was so proud
you could tell it in his manner
that he had just learned the word
unisex
because of the needless
proud manner
the way he swelled when he said it
dear god
i mean that shit
adorable, no?

what the fuck
am i supposed to do
in the presence of that?

the baseball cap
you see
that kind of shit gets me every time
that little cross pendant
its so fucking casual

i bet he's really sweet

...........................................

HOT LITERARY MAN MEAT (or rather SOME MORE HANDSOME FRIENDS OF MINE)

Man, that sounds kind of disrespectful. Whatever. CHRISTOPHER ISHERWOOD and FRIENDS.

ISHERWOOD






ISHERWOOD AND AUDEN








DONALD BACHARDY




ISHERWOOD and BACHARDY

SOMETHING ABOUT SOME SHIT SOMEBODY SAID TO ME ABOUT SOMETHING, WHATEVER

thomas said

they are completely clueless
of the powers
their bodies
possess

and
by the time
they figure it out
its gone

that's sad
i said

i kept crying afterwards
for related and unrelated reasons
because
sometimes its easier to be sad
when
you feel stupid and simple
and i couldnt shake
that feeling
having been laid low
by embarrassing myself in public again

so i just got dark
and kept staring outside
at the boyscouts

and refrained from saying anything

A POEM FOR DENNIS COOPER'S WRITER'S DAY

another fucking poem about continuous dull pain

boy
if i could
if you could just know
some people are cruel
just by being there
even that
you are
untouched
by my perversion
i wish i could
say this to you
in a way that you
at your age
could understand

(look
he wanted
i wanted for
no
he wanted to be more firm
he wanted to be manly
see
axes chopping firewood
five o'clock shadow and
loud bar rooms
but it was
his softness
that drew me to him
what it must be like to bury your face
in that softness
how do you say that
to
a boys who wants
to be)

(does he know
how eviscerating
a smile can be
that
touching a single
strand
of hair
can kill
a man like me
his cruelty lie
in his tender
casual)

i mean fuck
the way you just even sit there
for christsake
fuck
do you not see
how just
just being like that
can destroy people

well
i understand the tendency
towards such
perversion
now

CARLOS

Well, I've been trying to work the intense experience of meeting this Quichua boy, Carlos, into some kind of poem for almost 4 years now. Nothing I end up putting down seems satisfying or truthfully, any good. If anyone could help me figure out what imagery here works and what needs to be jettisoned, that would be really helpful. I wrote an incredible email in 2003 about this experience in the jungle with Carlos, an email in which I came out to all of my fiends basically. Anyways, please read the following and provide suggestions. Thanks.


1.

he sat down next to me
and said something
in quichua
his caramel skin
and his shiny black hair
reflected what little starlight there was
he
you see i was
weak
around him
and he must have known
the way i couldn't breathe
like
a normal person does
the way someone can own you
someone calls
them
destroyers

2.

"what do you want"
his eyes were huge and blank
glassy
what am i supposed to say here?
"uh..."
"i want to see some alligators tonight,
for the turistas"
i looked down
and he left
at the approach of flashlights

what a safe fucking answer that was
what a terrible
safe
answer that was

3.

what you should know
really
is how the night
in the jungle
on the blackest of lagoons
had no moon
it was all starlight
the way the patterns
mirrored themselves
sinistral to dextral
the edges of the lake
had no edges
no ends
and endless black velvet
like
floating in space
out on the water
nothing no one
made a sound
they dared not
lest they become re attached
to their bodies
it was
black and endless and everywhere
and even
the alligators
felt like
pure everything
in awe
part of space

4.

i wish i could explain
to you
how beautiful he was
in everything
the way he slipped on a t shirt
or swiped a machete
the effortless smooth
lips
or hand turns
the curve of a thigh
or
how the night
made me feel like nothing
but
a wraith
floating in the stars

5.

you need to know
how
the jungle at night
is the real knowing of it
how
the noises in the darkness
sharpen you
how the whole world
can
either seem
endless
or
can exist in
the 3 foot
circle of your
flashlight
one drop of water
falling
one millipede crawling
across a leaf
the sound of sand grains
its tiny feet
how these are the moments
that kill you forever
and every time
how darkness tunes you
sharpens things
expands

6.

i should have said
"i want things i can't have,
things i won't give myself.
i want to be more than
these people will let me
be"
and he would have looked at me
confused
and warmly
and i would still
be alone that
night

7.

how one quiet
moment
can haunt
yes
haunt you
like
dead friends
every quiet moment

8.

was i gay then or just in love with something beautiful?
what a trite thing to ask
no?
it just felt like
something overwhelming in nature
you know?

LES CHANSONS D'AMOUR

How Precious... oh its supposed to be art?

When i get bored at some education conference or at work on some empty Saturday without visitors...well, my paper dolls.


BIBLE BEAR - He wuv you!


DEAD BLACK BUNNY - He hates you. It's alright, he hates everyone.


HELLKATZ - He's taking all you fuckers with him!


SUPERCILIOUS CAT - You're really not worth his time.


MR. TIGER - Look, he's too sweet to be vicious, but don't tell him... okay?