25 RANDOM LISTS OF 25 THINGS (16-20)

25 THINGS I PREFER TO DO OUTSIDE (List 16 of 25)

(weather and wildlife permitting)

1. I like playing with cats in the grass. Running a frail twig through the blades of grass or scraping it on the edge of concrete. Cats are meant to be played with outside.

2. Sleeping. I once fell asleep on the hood of my car in a canyon in UT while the Leonid meteor shower swept overhead. I like the air on me, the stars above.

3. Peeing. I'm a man god dammit! Why waste water?

4. Smoking a cigar.

5. Drinking a beer. Its better when there's a bit of heat and the bottle is sweating. I'll take a red stripe.

6. Showering. There aren't enough outdoor showers in the world. Beach, backyard, camping, whatever.

7. Felatio. I sucked my boyfriend off on the end of a trail at the river at Brazos Bend State Park. One of the best blowjobs I ever gave. Knees and cum in the dirt, birds singing in the trees.

8. Leisurely naps. I get to have sleeping and naps as 2 separate things cause its my fucking list. You know what I mean though, a hammock, a blanket in the grass on the Mall in DC?

9. I've never taken a bath outside, but I'm sure that would be better as well. I need an outside bathtub, deep clawfoot.

10. Listening to Crystal Castles real loud and making up wild dances based on animal movements.

11. Eating a mango. Just bite into it and let the juice go wherever it wants. If it gets all over you, just hose off, jump in the river, or fall backwards into the surf.

12. I would really like to have complete rough messy sex on a picnic table somewhere at night.

13. Restaurant dining seems better if there's a porch.

14. If I had to kill someone with a knife or something like that, I'd rather do it outside.

15. Playing music/singing on a farm porch, next to a lake.

16. I seem to get my best writing done on the porches of coffee shops when it’s a little too cold and I have a beer and a coffee and a cigar.

17. I have never smoked weed and danced to Indian music under enormous trees, but that sounds pretty cool.

18. Cuddling, especially if its a bit chilly outside.

19. I would like to have group sex on the deck of a pool on a hot day. Yeah, that sounds nice.

20. Animal care. I mean this as a professional. I have most enjoyed animal care, when it's been outside caring for baby alligators washing down the pool with a hose and drinking iced tea.

21. Making things, like cheese or tie dye t shirts or your own paste or home made paper. Its more fun on picnic tables, outside.

22. It's minor, but I prefer to clip my nails outside and just let the bits fall to the ground.

23. Set shit on fire. What can I say? I never grew up.

24. Smash large pieces of fruit, like watermelons or pumpkins with axes and machetes.

25. FOOD FIGHT BITCHES!!! Chocolate sauce, ketchup, ice cream, sandwiches, then we get to clean each other afterwards... hehehehehe.


25 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HERPETOLOGY (List 17 of 25)

1. Chelonian Temperature Dependent Sex Determination: The sex of baby turtles is determined in the nest, depending on the relative temperature. Higher temps mean girls, lower temps mean boys.

2. Darwin's Frog (Rhinoderma darwinii), the fathers carry the egg and tadpole in his mouth until the young frog metamorphoses.

3. Gharials (Gavialis gangeticus), a species of crocodilian that only lives on the Indian Subcontinent and has a long slender snout with which to catch fish.

4. Ontogenetic Color Difference, when the juveniles of a species has a different color or pattern from the adults, as with this young Emerald Tree Boa which will grow up to be bright green.

5. The heavy wrinkled body of the Javan Elephant Trunk Snake (Acrochordus javanicus)

6. Paratoid Glands, the poison glands of toads that secrete a milky alkaloid toxin, found as large bumps behind the eyes on the side, like on this Cane Toad (Bufo marinus).

7. Worm Lizards, like this Ajolote (Bipes biporus).

8. The toxins of Poison Dart Frogs, like this Phylobates terribilis, which are derived from their diet of various ant species. Captive specimens, which are fed flies and crickets, are not poisonous.

9. The smile of Side Neck Turtles (Pelomedusidae)

10. Unken Reflex, when an amphibian with brightly colored under parts positions its body to show those colors of as a warning of toxicity, as with this Firebelly Toad (Bombina orientalis)

11. The Oregon Newt (Taricha torosa), who may have the most powerful toxin of any vertebrate animal, a powerful Batrachotoxin.

12. Amplexus, the mating embrace of frogs and toads, especially the amplexus of Atelopus zeteki, which can last up to 2 weeks.

13. The loud mating bellows of male Alligators, part of which are subsonic and make the water above their backs dance.

14. Japanese Giant Salamander (Andrias japonicus), the largest amphibian species alive, up to 1.5 m.

15. Flying Lizards (Draco volans), which actually glide from tree to tree in SE Asia.

16. The glorious fatness of the African Bullfrog (Pixicephalus adspersus)

17. The remarkable color changing abilities of Panther Chameleons (Furcifer pardalis), who change their colors based more on communicating mood and intention, rather than camouflage.

18. Komodo Dragons (Varanus komodoensis) the largest species of living lizard, they have septic saliva. Their mouths contain a toxic bacteria load, which they pick up from eating carrion, which then allow them to deliver bites that cause live prey to die of infection from the bite.

19. In parts of Central America, people refer to the Caecilian, Dermophis mexicanus, as the TAPACULO, because they believe that if you drop your pants in the forest, this animal will burst from the soil and enter you anus!!! (not true)

20. Bolitoglossa lincolni, an arboreal salamander found in Guatamala who looks like DARTH MAUL, yes I know I am a geek.

21. Marine Iguana (Amblyrhynchus cristatus), the only marine (sea dwelling) lizard in the world, lives in the Galapagos Islands where the larger adults dive beneath the waves for algae encrusting the rocks.

22. Neoteny (the condition of retaining characteristics from childhood) in salamanders, such as this Axolotl (Ambystoma mexicanum), which retain their external gills through adulthood.

23. Chameleon tongues, the tip of which grabs the prey like a small hand, and pulls it back into the lizard's mouth.

24. Softshell Turtles, like this Florida Softshell (Apalone ferox) which have no external scales and have shells reinforced with cartilage instead of bone.

25. The displays of male Anoles, like this Green Anole (Anolis carolinensis), which fan out their dewlaps and perform push ups and head bobs to attract females, ward off other males, and establish territory.


25 OF THE WORST THINGS YOU EVER SAID TO ME (List 18 of 25)

1. "I think I have a girlfriend now."

2. "Oh Eric, I can't live up to that. All I can give you is sitting at cafes and talking politics. I hope that's okay?"

3. "I hate you and I don't ever wanna talk to you again"

4. "I see this new position as an assistant who can help me do all the paperwork..."

5. "Tinker was laying in the driveway, and I didn't see him laying there when I was backing out and..."

6. "You clearly don't like this job very much. Don't come in tomorrow. Come in next week and leave your keys at the front desk."

7. "Eric, I just talked to the doctor and he said she only has 2 weeks to live at most..."

8. "Sweetie, my cancer has come back. That's what the coughing is."

9. "Son, I just don't think you're trying."

10. "Your band was disqualified because of the satanic imagery."

11. "The thing about you is that you're difficult to be a good boss for, because you're really brilliant but extremely undisciplined."

12. "I'm sorry son, there's just nothing we can do for her at this stage. Her kidneys are gone and she's an old cat."

13. "Yeah, that was just a phase. I'm not interested in guys anymore."

14. "I think you need to start acting more professionally around the office."

15. "Sometimes I feel like you get so blinded by the lust and crushes that cute boys' looks produce in you that you don't notice their details as much as you might, and that can cause trouble both for you and for the guys you're so wild about... I was irked a bit for a moment because of this."

16. "We found Eric's guiding style to be somewhat ("inappropriate" - crossed out) grating."

17. "You come here on some fucking grand adventure, but for us this is our LIFE!"

18. "Oh you thought I was talking about you? How vain and pathetic."

19. "See that's my problem with you, you just act how ever you want to regardless of how it may affect other people. There's no sense of propriety there Eric."

20. "I won't have time to hang out this summer..."

21. "Sorry, we're out of blackberry cobbler."

22. "Sorry, we threw out the afterbirth... “

23. "I don't like Indians they're filthy and untrustworthy." (in Spanish)

24. "I don't mind gays at all, I just don't like it when they have to push it all in your face... I mean give it a break. It's the flamboyant ones, you know?"

25. "I went through this big gay phase last year man. I was making out with guys right and left, you should have know me back then..."


25 SONGS TO PLAY AT MY FUNERAL (List 19 of 25)

(FUCK YOU, IT'S MY FUNERAL!)

1. Billie Holiday - Strange Fruit

2. Nina Simone - Blackbird

3. The Smiths - There Is a Light That Never Goes Out

4. Samuel Barber - Agnus Dei

5. The Cure - Just Like Heaven

6. Sisters of Mercy - Black Planet

7. Edith Piaf - La Vie en Rose

8. Marlena Deitrich - Falling In Love Again

9. Patti Page - Let Call you Sweetheart

(yeah yeah I know Its gay, whatever, just make it happen)

10. Vicente Fernandez - Volver Volver

11. Pedro Infante - Tu Solo Tu

12. Jorge Negrete - You Soy Mexicano!!!!

13.Vince Guaraldi - Linus and Lucy

14. Sarah Vaughan - The Autumn Leaves

15. Nancy Wilson/Cannonball Adderly - The Masquerade is Over

16. Ella Fitzgerald - Summertime

17. Morrissey - Suedehead

18. Siouxsie and the Banshees - Dear Prudence

19. John Coltrane - My Favorite Things

20. Nico - Roses in the Snow

21. Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah!

22. Bettye Lavette - Sparrow

23. Nick Drake - Pink Moon

24. The B-52s - Rock Lobster

25. MGMT - Time To Pretend
(because its about me)

Just make it happen bitches!

* OH, um... play Sonic Youth - Bull in the Heather (as 25 b)


25 OF MY FAVORITE ANIMALS YOU CAN FEED ME TO INSTEAD OF BURYING ME WHEN I DIE AT AN OLD AGE OF SOMETHING PLEASANT (List 20 of 25)

I don't care if its a herbivore, make it happen!!!

1. Pacific Giant Octopus

2. Egyptian Fruit Bats

3. Galapagos Giant Tortoises

4. Admiral Ackbar

5. African Giant Millipedes

6. Goliath Birdeater Tarantulas, world's largest spider

7. Giant Squid

8. Babirusa, wild pig sp from Indonesia

9. GIant Spider Crabs

10. Casque Headed Lizards

11. Llamas

12. Asian Fishing Cats

13. Mekong Giant River Catfish

14. Paca, a rodent the size of a Collie

15. The highly endangered Nicobar Pigeon

16. North African Wildcats, this is where we got the domestic cat

17. Pangolins

18. Wolverines

19. Platypuses

20. Hagfish

21. Tiger Salamanders

22. Sperm Whales

23. Chinchillas

24. Alligator Snapping Turtles

25. That Walrus that plays the saxophone