I DONT REALLY KNOW WHERE ONE POEM ENDS AND ANOTHER BEGINS HERE

i have dreamt of so much blood

dreams of unicorn tea parties
the beasts wearing the angriest faces

dreams of gatherings peopled by all the boys
who wouldn't love me back

and you

all that on your hands
i have dreamt of so much blood

since


how much?

i try to drown you in all this wine
but every bottle
every glass
just drowns you out
for a few hours lost forever

all the porn
and the booze and the endless bottle and faces
won't drown you out
for long


i think to find perhaps a hundred
sweaty bodies
and eager lips and tongues to drown out your breathing
but
my dreams wont have it

no body feels like yours
no cum has the sting and the feel in my mouth
no pungent odor of sweat is like yours
no body contours into mine
no cock
no cock tumescent has the heft
and the fill
that yours does against every surface

no indignant grunts
in sleep wrap me against the bad like yours
every face and lip and
skin surface
every one falls away in the echoes of your faintest breaths

i have tried to drown you
and i can't